Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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