i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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