chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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