She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
