Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I want her autograph on my taint
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
