This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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