guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My vagina just clenched in fear
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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