I bet he comes in French.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
