Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
