last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
