my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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