i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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