Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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