we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
