Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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