1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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