we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
