she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He better not be in your backpack
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
