think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
