I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
