The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The adults are the big ones right?
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