Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
