just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
