I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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