I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
