God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
