Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
