pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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