Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
