I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
