I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
