i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
