If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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