Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
