remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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