You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
