**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
