i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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