Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I AM VODKA MAN
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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