i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize