I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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