you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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