Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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