He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
