Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
