What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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