; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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