HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
