my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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