I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
