It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
