You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
