I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
