Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
