if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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