Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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