C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
