I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
