i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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