i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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