You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
