i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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